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Assholes Inc

Written by David Harry   
Monday, 11 August 2008 10:53

We’ll F@%k up the competition

Looking for new ways to rise above the pack? Here at AI we say;

“If you can’t beat ‘em – destroy ‘em!”

You’ve heard of reputation management services, but do you know about our anti-reputation management programs? We’re the company that keeps the rep managers in business. If you’ve got a competitor (or even a friend, spouse… we don’t care) that needs to be bitch slapped far and wide on the web, then you’ve come to the right spot.

Here’s just some of the nightmare your target will face;

  • Lost revenues
  • Destroyed marketing campaigns
  • PR staff breakdown
  • Search engine sadness
  • Mental instability for executives
  • Hair loss (from pulling it out)
  • Increased rep management costs.
  • Email overflow and madness
  • Internal stress and strife


The Methods of our Madness

Digg news squasher and pimp machine; our experts have bots at the ready to vote down positive stories about the target and max out the negative stories with viral goodiness to ensure they Digg their own grave

Stumble troll bait; we will set up sock puppets posing as target company staffers submit so much self-indulgent crap that they will be set upon by Stumble trolls night and day. These voracious predators will eat them alive!!

Flikr Clicker; we shall follow the competitors primary and secondary execs until we have a veritable treasure trove of nasty pics in nefarious situations to post on Flikr for the world to see what shit heads they really are.

Networking numpties; our keen SOBs will harass the target company staffers at every turn, from FaceBook to Twitter… we’ll make managing social networking profiles a nightmare! Our social spamming program also ensures nothing but negative reactions and death threats! We’ll keep them phones ringing.

Forum Freaks; not to be left out, the old school is new again as we not only spread the word of the crap that they are, but we also set our spam bots to spam the crap outta related industry forums – always a great way to #$%@ them up.

Google Bombing and bowling; our crack team of SEOs (search engine opportunists) will max out the search results to not only ensure that nothing positive makes the top 20, but we’ll also target them with unflattering phrases including such terms as ‘Scam’ ‘Thief’ ‘Crooks’ and much much more…

Flame bait; the link bait staff here at AI will create scathing articles that will ensure an all out PR war against your competition. We won’t stop until they screw up and then nail them to the wall again and again!

Review this; we’ll hit every complaint site there is slashing and smashing the competitors offerings thus keeping the PR peeps busy around the clock (hell, they’d have to hire staff to keep up with the mahem).


They never see you coming

The best part about working with Assholes Inc. is that they will never know who hit them (or what hit them either). With our state of the art proxies and spam bots at the ready we can ensure that no one ever knows it was you that created the tidal wave of bad karma! They can’t sue you if they can’t find you.

So what are you waiting for? Sign up today and start the suffering for your competition tomorrow!


(note; for the brain dead among you, this was just some cheaky fun... unless you have mega $$... maybe...he he)



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